I Do
Marriage: I Love You (for now) - book excerpt
August 29th, 1998
I walk carefully around puddles on the sidewalk.
The morning has been a flurry of phone calls back and forth. Should we move the cocktail hour indoors because of the rain? Or will it stop by the reception this evening?
I haven’t once thought of the idea that I am actually getting married today. That from this point forward, our lives will be endlessly intertwined.
Instead, I am consumed with details—the guests, the flowers, the timing of the limos and then, after the brief ceremony, onto the banquet hall.
Now, holding my dress up so it doesn’t get wet, I climb the stairs into the church.
It is my hometown church. Not fancy. Small. A country church is what your mother called it. It’s where I made my First Communion, and my sister Sarah once slid off the pew and bumped her head.
Today, I stand in the vestibule with my father. I’ve never seen him in a tuxedo before. Like most big moments in my life, this one has been marred by divorce, arguments and threats about seating charts and who gets to invite more guests.
The sky has lightened a bit. Guests file in, and through the open doors, I glance down the aisle. I see your silhouette. Your brother Anthony stands by your side.
The turnout for my side is much smaller than yours. Cousins, uncles, and family friends crowd the pews on your side of the aisle. On my side sits my mother, her father, and a scattering of neighbors.
We are years away from the house on the hill, the four boys and one girl.
Years away from autism.
How can we know what lies before us?
Should we know?
Does it matter?
For most of our engagement, I’ve worried about the smallest things. Would you like the dress I chose? Will my parents argue during the reception?
The real worries in life, it seems, are things that never crossed your mind in the first place.
The music begins.
My fingertips on my father’s arm, I step forward.
The priest stands, his hands clasped. His face is open. Kind.
You turn to look at me.
My heart flutters.
I rehearse the words in my mind.
I do.
I do.
To read more, you can order your copy of Marriage: I Love You (for now) here! (Audio now available!)
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