I think there is more to it, Carrie! I remember after my parents lost my brother to cancer in two weeks there was a different feeling in our home at times! My parents were one in Christ, spiritually, friends, like brother and sister at times, so much love of the right kind of physical connection, but not in public! They would kiss appropriately in front of us as children and my dad would say it’s important to let children know how much we love each other! The perfect marriage & then my brother died in two weeks of lymphosarcoma cancer. We all had trouble coping and there was a change. My parents never fought in their marriage and like I said, totally loved each other and we’re so much alike as far as their backgrounds that they knew what each other was thinking before they spoke. They would never laugh at other people, but laughed every day because they were so happy and truly joyful to be married to each other and have three children they planned for and dreamt about… the perfect family! They were workaholics at times, but loved working and felt their jobs were they’re calling. We all worked hard and played hard, but enjoyed the fruits of our labor and the fun times we had with family and friends! After a while in
After a while in the wake of my brother‘s death, I could feel in the air what you described, Carrie! I don’t blame you for what you’re feeling, and I don’t even question it. Because of something my mother said to me some time after my brother‘s death I don’t question anything that you share with us in your book or on your blog.
To help you know where I’m coming from in the above statement … my mother said one time, “I am feeling different at times towards your father… our love is all mixed up in the death of your brother.”
When you have a child like Jack with autism. It is like the death of the child you thought you were going to have. None of this diminishes the love you have for Jack, but it puts a stress and a strain on a marriage that makes things different than they were before… that feeling in the air that wasn’t there before…
I just popped on to say, another great read, Carrie!! Love the way you write, sounds so easy but no LOL. I know each year gets harder and harder on you. Because you had children every year, so now, every year another kiddo goes to college. Once all the kiddos are gone, then you and Joe will make your new life together. It will be great! You go momma!! 💜💜
Boy! Do I ever know the reactive nature of a spouse who wants to invade my peace with talk! And expecting quick responses. An hour earlier, I already made a plan in notes for goals of the day. It did not include hashing and rehashing and micromanaging experiences weeks away!
I think there is more to it! I remember after my parents lost my brother to cancer in two weeks. There was a different feeling in our home at times! My parents were one in Christ, spiritually, friends, like brother and sister at times, but so much love! The perfect marriage. Then my brother died in two weeks of lymphosarcoma cancer. We all had trouble coping, but there was a change. My parents never fought in their marriage and like I said, totally loved each other and we’re so much alike as far as their backgrounds that they knew what each other was thinking before they knew. They would never laugh at other people, but laughed every day because they were so happy and truly joyful to be married to each other and have three children they planned for and dreamt about the perfect family!
after a while in the lake of my brother‘s death, I could feel in the air which you described, Carrie!
Specific item: If Joe sat at a different place at the ball field, how did he tap his knee against yours? Was that to imply he moved?
Long term: this piece began with a specific moment in time, so that more than before you reveal the beginning of a disagreement. These questions are not to be answered here. Do you normally provoke? What are you hoping for? Do you want his emotions and reactions to match yours in their level, timing, and presentation? That is a lot to ask. You are entitled to them and to telling him about your feelings. I will bet you can figure out something else he has to give in that moment rather than matching yours. Even deeper here, why do you need that matching of emotions?
I think there is more to it, Carrie! I remember after my parents lost my brother to cancer in two weeks there was a different feeling in our home at times! My parents were one in Christ, spiritually, friends, like brother and sister at times, so much love of the right kind of physical connection, but not in public! They would kiss appropriately in front of us as children and my dad would say it’s important to let children know how much we love each other! The perfect marriage & then my brother died in two weeks of lymphosarcoma cancer. We all had trouble coping and there was a change. My parents never fought in their marriage and like I said, totally loved each other and we’re so much alike as far as their backgrounds that they knew what each other was thinking before they spoke. They would never laugh at other people, but laughed every day because they were so happy and truly joyful to be married to each other and have three children they planned for and dreamt about… the perfect family! They were workaholics at times, but loved working and felt their jobs were they’re calling. We all worked hard and played hard, but enjoyed the fruits of our labor and the fun times we had with family and friends! After a while in
After a while in the wake of my brother‘s death, I could feel in the air what you described, Carrie! I don’t blame you for what you’re feeling, and I don’t even question it. Because of something my mother said to me some time after my brother‘s death I don’t question anything that you share with us in your book or on your blog.
To help you know where I’m coming from in the above statement … my mother said one time, “I am feeling different at times towards your father… our love is all mixed up in the death of your brother.”
When you have a child like Jack with autism. It is like the death of the child you thought you were going to have. None of this diminishes the love you have for Jack, but it puts a stress and a strain on a marriage that makes things different than they were before… that feeling in the air that wasn’t there before…
So clearly stated and so true. It is an adjustment for any of us. I feel for you. I know you will miss Rose.
I just popped on to say, another great read, Carrie!! Love the way you write, sounds so easy but no LOL. I know each year gets harder and harder on you. Because you had children every year, so now, every year another kiddo goes to college. Once all the kiddos are gone, then you and Joe will make your new life together. It will be great! You go momma!! 💜💜
Boy! Do I ever know the reactive nature of a spouse who wants to invade my peace with talk! And expecting quick responses. An hour earlier, I already made a plan in notes for goals of the day. It did not include hashing and rehashing and micromanaging experiences weeks away!
Yes, I plan, but more like one day at a time.
I think there is more to it! I remember after my parents lost my brother to cancer in two weeks. There was a different feeling in our home at times! My parents were one in Christ, spiritually, friends, like brother and sister at times, but so much love! The perfect marriage. Then my brother died in two weeks of lymphosarcoma cancer. We all had trouble coping, but there was a change. My parents never fought in their marriage and like I said, totally loved each other and we’re so much alike as far as their backgrounds that they knew what each other was thinking before they knew. They would never laugh at other people, but laughed every day because they were so happy and truly joyful to be married to each other and have three children they planned for and dreamt about the perfect family!
after a while in the lake of my brother‘s death, I could feel in the air which you described, Carrie!
Specific item: If Joe sat at a different place at the ball field, how did he tap his knee against yours? Was that to imply he moved?
Long term: this piece began with a specific moment in time, so that more than before you reveal the beginning of a disagreement. These questions are not to be answered here. Do you normally provoke? What are you hoping for? Do you want his emotions and reactions to match yours in their level, timing, and presentation? That is a lot to ask. You are entitled to them and to telling him about your feelings. I will bet you can figure out something else he has to give in that moment rather than matching yours. Even deeper here, why do you need that matching of emotions?